And I'm stubborn and I shout.

RIP Boring hair.

2011-08-29T05:36:00.000-07:00

Everybody told me not to do it but I couldn’t resist.

I shut my eyes,

Took a deep breath,

Prayed for the best,

And I hit the bottle...of hair dye.

That’s right. I am now a fully blown red head.

And none of that ‘dark brown with a scarlet tint’ or ‘deep burgundy’ nonsense, no.

I mean full on, ‘EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME,’ ketchup bottle, Rihanna wannabe, stop sign RED.

I even cut myself cheeky full fringe too. Have a gander.

Before: Dark reddy, plummy, browny blah blah not very exciting hair.
(Ignore the duck. I was very drunk in this picture. He was my friend.)

After: WOOOOOAHHHH. That's well red.

(If anyone's wondering, I used Shwarzkopf XXL in Real Red.)

Ugly People...

2011-06-19T14:37:00.001-07:00

"If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

-The Twits by Roald Dahl

3 things that I used to hate but now I love...

2011-06-10T09:49:00.000-07:00

Me and my trout :)

Ok, so here are three activities that a couple of months ago I thought were boring and pointless but I have recently fallen in love with:

Baking: Before, I thought that the only people that could enjoy baking as a past time were those freaky Martha Steward/Bree Vandecamp type mothers who never fail to annoy me. However, I now find immense joy in opening the oven, pulling out a batch of biscuits, smelling that delicious, sweet yumminess and have everyone tell me how tasty they are. I then think to myself...I made that. I MADE THAT! I made people slightly happier with confectionary that I MADE WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS. Therefore, I made the world a slightly happier place. Therefore, I am practically God. (No blasphemy intended.)

Fishing: To me, this activity consisted of wetness, smelliness, fishiness, sliminess and generally all things gross. That is until I went on a fishing trip in Florida and caught my first ever fish. A trout. It was so beautiful, and I was so proud of myself. I even touched it with my bare hands and everything! Fishing is awesome.

Running: Running is boring, repetitive tedium...right? WRONG! Last year, you would have never caught me on the treadmill at the gym. Now I practically live on it. After seeing my Mum cross the finish line at Brighton Marathon (at age 49) I decided that at 19 years old there is no reason why I couldn't do a marathon too. I was so unbelievably proud of her achievement and so wanted to have that same sense of accomplishment and satisfaction with life that she seemed to have after the big race, that I decided to let her sign me up for a full 26.2 mile run in January. And also, I find it pretty cool to call myself a runner. 'Hi. I'm Ruby. Yeah, I'm a runner.' That phrase has a nice ring to it.

I wonder what I hate this month that I'm going to love next? Peas? Gardening? Who knows. All I know is this:

Don't lump it until you've tried it :)

REALITY CHECK.

2011-04-06T14:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, so recently I have been going through a phase where I've been missing my ex. Who hasn't been there? Our relationship had really been playing on my mind (thinking about the good times, him popping up unexpectedly in my dreams...you know the deal.) It really, really started to get me down. Until I found this.

It's kind of a private blog I wrote to myself last September to clarify my feelings while I was with him. It made me realise and remember that when we were together, I was in fact extremely unhappy. And I thank God that seven months later I am no longer in this situation.

Well, I said it was a private blog, but I don't see the problem in publishing it now. He's not going to read it. And hopefully it will help a few of you out there who have also had or still have douchebag boyfriends...

My Boyfriend is bad for me.

When it's good: We're okay...I'm happy for the most part. I'll get frustrated at him and I don't know why. Maybe I'm starting to see that he isn't as amazing as I once thought he was. After I found out that he cheated on me I became obsessed with him. I'm not obsessed anymore. You could say that I've lost interest. I'm not worried about leaving him for 2 weeks when I go to Africa because, to be honest, I'm not sure if I'll miss him all that much.

When it's bad: It's terrible. He's the kind of person who will watch you cry with the most expressionless look on his face. He doesn't care. When we've had an argument and I do that childish thing where I don't text him to see if he'll text me, he never texts me. It's always me that has to make the first move which is why I feel that I'm always trying too hard to tie our relationship back together when cracks start to show. He doesn't care. He actually doesn't care. Why did I ever think that after I caught him cheating he was going to be the perfect boyfriend?
Oh, right, because he said he was going to become just that.

Last night: I went out with Yasmine and Grace to watch Yasmine's boyfriend perform at the Sugar Lounge. Earlier, me and Snowman had agreed, no wait, he had PROMISED to meet me in ramsgate at 1. I get to Ramsgate, so excited to see him, and he isn't anywhere to be seen. This is at 12.40. I then get a text saying that he is at the casino with the boys. Fair enough, but now I'm stranded in Ramsgate. With no money. What the fuck am I supposed to do? This, along with everything else he does or doesn't do, is enough to make me go back to the whole 'he doesn't care' scenario.

He should care: He can't drive. I drive him everywhere. I look after him more than any girlfriend should. My day revolves around taking him to work and then picking him up. I try so fucking hard to be an amazing girlfriend to him, and he knows this.

Yet he still DOES NOT CARE.

Reading something that you wrote a long time ago really puts your feelings into perspective. Needless to say, any lingering feelings of 'if only we didn't break up' or 'what if' have been flushed out of my brain. It's in print: If I was still with Snowman I would still be an extremely unhappy girl.

So, here's a little exercise that I recommend if you're ever in a particularly shitty stage of a relationship. WRITE IT DOWN. That way, if you break up then you will have hard, primary evidence of how lucky you were to escape that relationship. It's an extremely good 'getting over you' tool.

Peace :)

Nicest Thing (Piano Cover)

2011-03-04T11:53:00.000-08:00

One of the most beautiful songs ever written. I bloody love Kate Nash.

Save Me From Myself (piano cover)

2011-03-02T12:18:00.000-08:00

Times when I miss having a boyfriend:

2011-02-25T03:56:00.000-08:00

The other day, a spider, no, a tarantula crawled past my foot as I was sitting at the piano. I screamed, leapt onto my bed and promptly shot out of the door. As I got the hoover from my parent's bedroom, and summoned up enough courage to suck the ~~little~~ absolutely colossal bastard up, I realised that this would be an amazing time to have a boyfriend. So, I decided to compile a list of the times when I miss having one. The list is as follows:

When there's a giant spider in my room and my dad isn't home.
When the dog has thrown up and my mum or dad aren't home.

Erm...that's how far I got with the list.

Funny thing I read today

2011-02-25T03:47:00.000-08:00

I love ice cubes because they're so chill. They're all like "Hey, I'm frozen so clearly I'm chill. What is a surprise? My ability to talk. I must have been in some weird genetic experiment gone wrong, or dropped in toxic waste, but it doesn't bother me though, because I'm chill."

Candace Bushnell is a bloody Goddess...

2011-02-17T05:22:00.000-08:00

I'm currently reading Lipstick Jungle, by Candace Bushnell, and I just came across this little gem of a quote:

'The key to life was that you had to care - really care - about something. You had to make a commitment to your passions...'

LISTEN TO CANDACE!

Make a commitment to your passion, make your passion a commitment and above all, don't let anyone or anything get in your way.

Valentines-less day

2011-02-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

Ahh. It's that time of year again. February. A cold, grey, bleak, rubbishy, pointless month. I think I once heard that February has the highest suicide rate out of all of the months, and do you know why?

2 words.

Valentine's day.

I used to love this time of year. But then again, I used to always have a boyfriend. For three years, I was never Valentine's-less. But now, for the second year running, I'll have nobody to give me a crappy card and a box of cheap chocolates. And I know that Valentine's is just a corporation-built holiday founded by greetings card companies in order to fill the gap between Christmas and Easter, and that therefore I shouldn't care. But, for some reason I still do.

Since breaking up with snowman, I've become completely accustomed to being single, and I can even admit that I quite like it. I mean, I've achieved so much in the last few months now that I have only had to focus on myself, without some guy distracting me 24/7. My parents and friends are all proud of me for becoming so independent, so much so that my dad has basically put a ban on me having a boyfriend again until I'm like, thirty. I don't even want a boyfriend anymore. Boys are stupid. It's just...the presents.

Valentine's day creeps along and then suddenly it punches you in the face: Nobody likes me enough to buy me a card. Or flowers. Nobody is going to take me to Nando's and then the cinema. And again, I shouldn't care. I don't even like Nando's that much but still, that's not the point. I want someone to want to take me to Nando's.

Then there's the smug couples. Kissing and holding hands and whispering gross things in eachother's ears. Rub salt in the wound, why don't you? You're all coupley and happy, and I'm alone. Again. I wouldn't actually care if it wasn't for this 'day of love.' On any other day I'm perfectly happy being alone... it's just that on this one day there is such an immense pressure to be in love. And if you're not then, I guess you're just not lovable enough.

Well, this needs to change. I decided that this year was going to be different. Do you know what I'm going to be doing this year on Monday 14th February? I'm rising above this whole Cupid/hearts/lovey-dovey stupidness and I'm going to an interview at London College of Communications. If a stupid boy doesn't love me, then at least maybe LCC will. And I'm sure you'll agree that that's a lot better than a stupid boy. I'm not going to be depressed at my singleness. The time that is normally wasted on buying the perfect present/doing my hair/writing heartfelt messages etc is now being spent on watching the news, compiling my Journalism portfolio, arranging trips to universities and basically doing anything else that might knock me into my aspired career. And one day, if I make it big as a successful journo or broadcaster, I can look back and remember how one Valentine's day I decided to not be depressed and I worked my arse off instead. And that's the best Valentine's present ever.

A bit of poetry: Pebbles and Dirt

2011-01-16T16:05:00.000-08:00

Stone, cobwebs, pebbles, dirt,

Things that get in the way and hurt

That’s what you were, that’s what you are

That’s what you’ll always be to me

My love for you was keeping me blind,

I couldn’t see how far behind

You were keeping me from achieving my dreams...

But now I’m finally free.

I’m a lion out of her cage,

I’m a storm, I’m a fire

While you amount to nothing,

You manipulative liar

I’m an eagle and I’m soaring

My world’s an endless sea

My chains have been unlocked

And I can finally be me

Blogging doesn't always have to be full of words...

2011-01-15T14:36:00.000-08:00

...sometimes a picture will do.

This is one of my favourite photos taken in the Summer of 2010. It's of me and my friend Grace (or Garce, as we affectionately call her) in Spain. I feel that this is a classic photo of us because it's obvious that we're clearly talking about something incredibly interesting...I just wish I could remember exactly what it was. Hopefully the topic was somewhat intelligent...maybe it concerned the recent works of Richard Dawkins...

Unfortunately, it's more likely that we were discussing bra size and/or sunburn and/or the sexy barman at our favourite Spanish club, Se7en.

Good times :)

Emotionally, 2010 was an extreme year.

2011-01-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

I know that everyone has their ups and downs, but a selfish part of me feels like I deserve some kind of award for the year I went through. When it comes to ups and downs, 2010 really took the piss for me. The good things that happened to me this year were completely amazing, and this should have made this the most spectacular year of my life. However, the bad things that happened weren't just your standard level of 'bad.' They were devastating.

I started the year on an emotional low, having just gone through a break up that I did not see coming. However, I was quick to pick myself up with the help of my girlfriends and the quote, 'There's plenty of fish in the sea.' One of my ingenious friends extended this quote to 'There's plenty of fish in the sea. And he's just a prawn. What you want is a sea bass.' Those immortal words have stuck with me ever since.

Everything was going well for me emotionally from that point up until a week before my 18th birthday. My Grandma Jonina (my dad's mother) had had a stroke. She was in her nineties, but she was strong and healthy. The healthiest old lady I've ever known. So, obviously we'd hoped that she'd pull through. Unfortunately, she didn't. She died on March 31st, which was also my birthday.

My favourite picture of Grandma Jonina

A week later, my dad, my sister and I flew out to Iceland for her funeral, and it was honestly the saddest thing I've ever been to. I don't really want to write about it...I feel that that memory deserves more than just a paragraph in a blog.

Moving on. That same day as the funeral, on the way back to my grandparents’ farm, my mum rings. Our dog Waffles, my childhood best friend and honestly the most amazing, beautiful dog I've ever seen, had died sometime that day. My mum found him by the front door. He was obviously being his faithful and loyal self, waiting for someone to come home from work so that he could greet them. We were all completely devastated because he wasn't just a dog to us, he was family.

Waffles...the most amazing dog in the world

So that's two heartbreaking things that have happened. You're probably wondering when all the amazing stuff is going to start. Well, in June, I was lucky enough to go to Florida for two weeks with my best friend, where of course we did all of the touristy stuff (to the extreme, I might add. We went to Disney Hollywood THREE TIMES!) But, what was even better was that I was reunited with family from my Mum's side that hadn't seen me since I was a baby. In retrospect, this kind of helped with the grieving process over my grandmother. I'd lost a family member very important to me, but now I'd gained a whole new family, who would also become very important figures in my life.

Making up for lost time with family: Jetskiing with Uncle Allan at Clearwater Beach, FL

The goodness soon faded though, when I got home and discovered my then boyfriend, who I'll now only refer to as 'snowman,' had been cheating on me with his ex. Stupidly, I forgave him. And this caused me to lose friends. But I didn't care, because I was totally convinced that he was now devoted to me. He even got a tattoo to match the one that I'd gotten in Florida. Doves, because in his words 'doves are together for life.' What a fool I was.

So that makes bad thing, bad thing, good thing, bad thing. Time for a good thing? Not quite.

Raisin Bran

In August, I had planned to go to Spain with my girlfriends. We were all really excited, and I had a couple of the girls around mine the night before the flight because my dad was going to take us to the airport. Sadly that morning, Raisin Bran, the cat that we had got when I was four years old, had died. So, in the space of 5 months, I'd lost my two favourite pets in the whole wide world, and my grandmother. That's a lot of loss, and a lot of crying.

Pretty view of the sea, Nerja, Spain

Still, I went to Spain and had a fantastic time. I won't say too much about it, other than I drank too much and got extremely tanned. And I have to mention the incident where we got thrown out of a bar because Grace threw up ON THE TABLE. It was really quite gross.

I then go to Reading Festival with the snowman. This is really fun, and again I'm thinking 'There is NO WAY he's into anyone else. He loves me.' BULLSHIT! I can't class Reading as a good thing or a bad thing. Because it started out as a good thing but now I hate thinking about it, so it's kind of been deleted from my brain. It's a nothing. Stupid snowman.

I then go on an amazing family holiday to Kenya, which is a GOOD THING. Apart from when I'm there, snowman re-establishes his thing with his ex. BAD THING. And when I get back, I'm pretty much devastated to find out that they're in desperately in love, or something. BAD BAD BAD THING.

Giraffes in Kenya!!!

So, in a nutshell, this year I was lucky enough to go to Florida, Spain and Kenya. This is why 2010 should have been the greatest year of my life so far. However, I lost my Grandma Jonina on my birthday, and my two favourite animals. I also had my heart properly broken for the first time.

How is that for an emotional rollercoaster?

Hopefully, 2011 will be a lot more stable.